This week I started a workshop through Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary (AMBS) called “Giving and Receiving Feedback,” led by Betty Pries.  We meet 90 minutes, once a week, for four weeks.

The first session focused on a model of communication called I-A-E: Intent, Action, Effect.  Here is a sketch:

In this model, an act of communication starts with an intent held by the speaker.  That intent becomes outwardly expressed as a public/shared action.  This then has a personal effect on the listener, or listeners.  And, as anyone who has ever spoken soon learns, intent and effect do not always line up.  One might intend to offer good advice, but the effect is someone feeling unheard or judged.  One might intend to offer comfort, but the effect is someone feeling discounted or patronized.

To better navigate these dynamics, it is good to be conscious of the fuller picture.

A private thought/intention becomes an action through encoding.  We choose the words we think best communicate our intent.  This public action goes back into private experience through the mental/experiential filter of the listener, having its effect.  Both speaker and listener have a back story.  One’s formative experiences, household and cultural norms, relationship with that particular person, etc, make up one’s back story and the dynamics behind any act of communication.  It’s kind of a wonder we can understand each other at all!  A few notes I took from Betty Pries:

• Be aware of your own assumptions
• Attend to your back story
• Ask yourself: What could be going on for me that has nothing to do with the other person?
• Ask yourself: What could be going on with the other person that has nothing to do with me?
• Be cautious of the story you lock in place (or better, be flexible about the story)
• Remember that we remember differently
• Nurture good intent
• Be transparent about your own intent
• Assume noble intent from the other
• Be specific when conflict arises: “When you said/did this  _(action)___, the effect on me was __(effect/feeling)__.
• Use IAE for self-reflection afterwards, and pre-flection before.
• Ultimately, as a speaker, one can only control one’s intent and words, not the effect it has on someone else.   
• Ultimately, as a listener, one can only control the effect on oneself, not the intent or words of the other.

I think all this fits well into our Courageous Peace Witness theme as we seek harmonious interpersonal relationships, and recognition of what is and isn’t ours to change.

Joel